12.

My body is not my own and it hasn't been since the day I began to worry about my weight. Since the day I first counted calories and purged I lost the battle.

And as much as I want to believe I can escape it I'm kidding myself. It's a war that never was and never will be; because I just won't win. 

11.

Maybe it's not that hard any more. Maybe the more positive you are the easier it is.Maybe it's the people. Social contact and interaction doesn't seem so frightening.

Standing that little bit higher on my feet is helping. I'm holding my head up now; I'm seeing the world.

Just don't ask me to make a phone call.

10.

You have been my cause. I'm not dancing around this any more. The very bane of my entire 18 years has been you.Sure, I made bad choices and fucked up a lot but look who raised me. Take a fucking look at yourself you OCD, bastard individual.  Some people have parents abandon them ; I wish you did. 

My eating disorder was your fault. Dieting and calling me fat? How can you not expect that? My self injury? Words hurt, they cut deeper than any blade ever could. Can you blame me for wanting rid of the bad? 

Now after 18 years I resent you. I'm a bitch and an awful person because of you. I tried and you shot back nothing but fucking profanities. I am not the daughter you wanted? You're not the mother I wanted. 

The sooner I leave the sooner this depression can dwindle and pass. 

It's nothing but a sadness, you don't know pain.

Fuck you. I know enough.

9.

I have never, in all my days, come across a group of people so caught up in teenage drama. It’s all ‘I like him but he doesn’t like me’ or ‘He likes me but I don’t like him’ or ‘Too many fellas like me’. Shit like that when, I’m sorry dears, but you are both pretty fucking undesirable. I mean, no offence, but I’m better looking than you both and I don’t say that often. 

‘So he likes me but he’s dating my best friend, what do I do?’ Nothing, you do nothing because really it’s not your problem. 

Worst thing? You both are my only two ‘friends’ at college. I like you when it suits me, other wise, I don’t like you at all. 

Also, I’m not a Christian - get over it.